More Than Just Cooking
by EsperEzekiel
Summary: A series of 10 Linguini/Colette drabbles. Fragments, really. Mostly AUs, done for a ten-theme challenge over on LJ.
1. Lawyers

**A/N: Hello there everyone, Esper here. This will be my first time submitting a multi-chapter fic, so please bear with me as I figure that out. certainly doesn't make it easy for you. But anyway, I do hope you enjoy reading these goofy little things as much as I enjoyed writing them. 3 /END A/N.  
**

The sharp crack of the gavel against wood made him jump as the judge called order. "Miss Tatou, if you would please refrain from damaging the courtroom's furnishings with your writing implement."

Alfredo found that he was bringing a literal meaning to the term 'hot under the collar', as his adam's apple bobbed against the half-Windsor knot of his tie, his gaze directed not-so-discreetly in the direction of his opposing council as she spoke. He was finding her thick, rich French accent incredibly distracting, sending his mind reeling and his fingers back over his notes as he struggled to remember what the case he was defending involved.

"My apologies, your honor," There was that accursed accent again, as she fiddled with the aforementioned destructive pen, her long, slim fingers twisting it to and fro and finally stuffing it behind her ear.

"Very well," The judge gave his opposing council another wary look before turning his attention to Alfredo. "Mr. Linguini? Do you have anything you wish to add?"

Sometime between looking at his notes and the current moment, his eyes had wandered across the isle once again, traitors that they were. His ears, obviously in cahoots with his eyes, had become deaf to the judge as he watched tufts of her dark hair float to frame her face as she turned her gaze curiously towards his.

"Mister Linguini!"

"What?" His head swung back towards the front of the room, and he could feel his face turning red. "I...uh...I...I request a short recess, your honor."


	2. Cyberpunk

"Be careful with the welder, Linguini!"

"Don't worry, Colette, I've got it-- ow!"

"You idiot! Get out from under there..."

It was a long, hard process, trying to sculpt the diamond in the rough that was her new trainee. "If you are the best that Skinner can get me, I fear for the rest of the world."

He rubbed his arm self-consciously, looking up at her through his lashes like a struck puppy. "I'm sorry, I'm really not cut out for this..."

With a sigh, Colette took the welder from him and bent over the work he had hurt himself attempting to do. "Being a mechanic in this day and age isn't just peas and carrots, Linguini. Cruisers and gliders are finicky machines, but..."

"...But?"

Snuffing the flame on her welder, she threw it down and grabbed his arm, "Here, come sit."

Within a few moments she'd shoved him into the passenger seat and taken the driver's herself. Deftly flicking a few switches and buttons, she smiled as the glider purred happily to life. "...But the reward is worth it, in the end."

Linguini's face lit up as if it were Christmas morning. "We fixed it!" Examining the lit dashboard, he leaned over her without realizing. Well, he didn't realize until he turned his head and his nose poked her chest, that is.

"Sorry, sorry!" His face was redder than a cherry as he pulled away, twisting his hands, but despite herself Colette was laughing. "I didn't...I wasn't, it was--"

When she first leaned over towards his side of the glider, her intention had only been to silence him with a finger.

That objective changed quite suddenly when her finger was replaced by her lips.

Oh yes, the reward was always worth it.


	3. Harem

Colette worked in a kitchen full of men.

Despite this, it was quite obvious that she was the one in charge.

Oddly enough, the leader of her little "harem" was none other than the one who had begun a garbage boy.

As their shoulders bumped lightly together during the dinner rush, she couldn't help but think how far he'd come since that.


	4. Pets

Little Chef had not liked her much, at first. She had felt ridiculous, vying for the approval of a rat. Linguini would try so hard to keep them on civil terms, but Little Chef seemed to have it out for Colette, no matter what they did to convince him otherwise.

So when Linguini found them together in one of the booths after a particularly busy night at the restaurant, Colette with her legs splayed out into the isle, and Little Chef perched on her stomach, his sides moving up and down with his quick, rodent breaths, sleeping off the night's exhaustion, he couldn't have ever felt happier.


	5. School

Home Ec. class was a very dangerous place for Alfredo Linguini. However, the Home Ec classroom itself held quite a few fond memories. This late-night break in would be no exception, as he was guided through the murky glow of streetlights by a bob of dark hair, and the grip of a small hand wrapped around his wrist. The summer heat had banished any chill from the air, even at 1 AM, and he wiped a thin layer of sweat from his forehead as they came to a quick halt beneath the blue-and-white striped awning and Colette pulled him closer to her, smirking.

"Now, Mr. Linguini, are you ready to learn how to make a real batch of chocolate chip cookies?"

He swallowed hard.

"Yes, ma'am."


	6. Married With Kids

**QUICK A/N: The prompt for this was "married w/ kids", but that ended up being...a loose prompt. xD /END QUICK A/N**

How ironic, that such an innocent pink plus sign could look so much like a death sentence.

After three tests, there was a fair certainty that she wasn't about to get a different outcome.

She knew he could tell she was acting strange. All day, she avoided him, because she knew that also meant she could avoid breaching the subject.

Eventually, though, she had to go home. And obviously he would come with her.

He didn't understand why she was crying, he looked so confused, so innocent, that the tears only fell faster.

Finally, the words tumbled out of her mouth, as though they couldn't be held in any longer.

"I'm pregnant."

His confusion quickly faded to a look of surprise. He didn't say anything for a long moment.

Her hands splayed to cover her face. She couldn't bear to look at him.

"I'm sorry, I should've...I--"

Her broken speech was silenced when he grabbed her hand, knelt down on one knee, and sheepishly held out a small, black box.

There was a long moment of quiet, before she finally found her words again.

"How long have you been carrying that?"

His face flushed as he replied,

"Remember the first time I kissed you?"

She nodded mutely, and he smiled.

"Since then."


	7. Wild West

That is not a man. That is not a man. That is a woman in trousers. Tight trousers. Do women's hips really curve like that? Oh, she's coming closer. What is that? That is a revolver, isn't it. And it's in her hand, yes it is. Is she coming towards me? Yes, yes she is. Lookit the sun glint off that sucker, that is a nice revolver. Now if she'd just put it away...


	8. Pirates

Halloween was still Linguini's favorite holiday, even though some - alright, most - people would say he was too old for it. Still, even though he couldn't trick-or-treat himself, anymore, he loved dressing up and handing out candy to the children that came a-knocking.

This year was no exception, as he wandered around his apartment, decked out in full pirate garb, complete with stereotypical striped pirate shirt, eye patch, and pet-rat-dressed-against-his-will-as-parrot.

"Alfredo, could you help me zip this?" Colette's voice came wafting from somewhere near the bathroom, and Linguini quickly swung himself around and started in the direction of the sound, only to promptly run into a wall and fall flat on his back.

"Are you alright?" There was laughter mixed with concern in Colette's voice as it drew closer. She'd apparently left the shelter of the bathroom to come and make sure her so-called pirate king was well and breathing.

"Darn eye patch, it took away my depth perception." He replied, his eyes still squinted shut.

He felt a hand close around his as Colette replied wryly, "This is assuming you had any to begin with?"

Vision finally clearing, he chuckled and accepted her offer to help him up. "That's a good poi--"

He stopped abruptly when he saw what her costume was, almost tumbling back down to the floor.

"Uh, Colette...either there are going to be quite a few very happy ten-year-old boys lining up in front of our apartment tonight...Or I'm going to have to keep you from giving out candy."


	9. In Space

"Ugh, this space food tastes terrible." Colette muttered, glaring at her tin-foil packet of dehydrated ice cream and making Linguini chuckle.

"I don't know, Colette, I don't think it's that bad...And it adds to the experience, you know."

She sneered, unimpressed. "It does nothing but leave a bad taste in my mouth. Literally."

Linguni laughed again, leaning over and plucking the packet from her hands. He'd been hoping she'd be a little more taken by the Air & Space museum, but...

But at least it gave him the opportunity to help her clean that bad taste out of her mouth.


	10. Urban Fantasy

He could still hear the heavy panting behind him, but he didn't dare look back, for fear of tripping. All he did was kept running, running, his feet pounding over the pavement of _Champs-Élysées_. The cold winter air bit at his bare hands and face, making his eyes water. With only the eerie yellow glow of the street lamps to guide him, he charged on in the dead of night, the usually bustling avenue completely empty except for maybe a few homeless men, who didn't give a damn one way or another than he was being chased by a giant, lumbering beast.

His lungs were on fire as he skidded around a corner, nearly losing his footing on the slick, polished stone of the walking path, made more treacherous by the fresh dusting of snow that was falling lazily from the sky, an ironic contrast to his frantic dash for his life.

Behind him, the panting suddenly ceased, and there was a loud crash, startling him to an abrupt halt and making him slip up on the icy ground, crashing down on his backside.

At first, he was terrified to turn and see what had caused the commotion, but, finally, worked up the courage and turned around, bracing himself for what he might find.

Long, scrambling claw marks were visible over the sidewalk and street, ending in a pile of snow, first accumulated there by the plows and knocked down by whatever had left the marks.

He considered simply running, but an unusual feeling told him that something was off, and he should go take a look.

His usually jittery disposition for once melting away, he trotted over to the snowbank. There was no visible movement from across the street, but as he approached, a figure came into view. The figure of a very unconscious, very still, and very beautiful...

...Woman.


End file.
